Tarbiyah Of Kids
Tarbiyah of kids in Islam is very important, for indeed all of the religion is based upon tarbiyah (i.e., the educational training and taking care of the people).
First of all, we have to do something better for the education and training of our own selves, then for our families, and after that or at the end of the community at large. But this tarbiyah is most beneficiary concerning their children so that they are brought up upon the correct way of Islam.
Due to this, many of the expert scholars take care in discussing these aspects of tarbiyah more so than the others.
After the benefit of religion Islam and our very creation, Children are the true and best blessing of Allah Subhan WaTala’a.
We see their benefits not only in this world but after we have passed to the next life. When a person gets old and is also unable to earn, all of his friends and companions leave him alone, and these are his children who look after and care for him, bearing his all problems and unbearable burdens.
And after his death, A person will get benefits from his children as the Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“When the son of mankind passes away, his every deed is stopped except for three. any kind of charity that is continuous, or knowledge which still giving benefits to people or a pious child who is praying for him.”
Having children is not the only beneficiary if they were to pass away while still children, they will negotiate for their parents.
This is actually reported from the Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him), who said:
“There is no Muslim individual, male or female, who has three of his children died whilst they are young, and he is patient with that, except that they will come and negotiate for him on the Day of Judgment.”
A person who has one child when he passes away and he is patient with this, seeking his reward from Allah Tala’a, then he shall also find a great reward with himself. As in a hadeespak wherein it is reported that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to sit down in his sitting place and his companions would sit in front of him to seek benefit and learn knowledge from him.
From amidst them was a man who had a younger boy; he used to come to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) from behind his back by the way for respect, then he used to sit in front of him and his son sit in front of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
The Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked that man,
“Do you have a love for your child?” The man answered, “Yes, and may Allah cause him to love you also.”
Then it happened that this child passed away, and the man was so sad that he used to abstain from coming to sit with the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). So, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked his companions about that man saying,
“What was the reason that this man is no longer come to sit my place?” And this was from the peaceful Sunnah of the Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him), that if he had those people around him who would come to visit him and then stop coming, even then, he would ask about their health, condition and their life.
Thus, the companions told him that the son of the man had died and so that he was sad. So, the Prophet went to meet that man and asked him, “What has happened to his son?”
The man told Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him) that he had passed away. So that, the Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him) said to the man, that “Do you want that your son lives with you and spend time with you, or do you prefer that your son would reach Jan’ah before you, waiting at the Doors of Jan’ah to open them for you?”
So that, the man foresaid, “O Muhammad (peace be upon him). I wish that my son would go before me and precede me to Jan’ah.” So, the Prophet said to him, “Verily, this is for you.”
Having a daughter is one of the great blessings of Allah Subhan WaTala’a and is patient with them, brought them up correctly and married them. So, for him, there is a great reward from Allah.
Our mother Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) said, “A woman had two daughters, and they were very poor came to my door requesting for charity. I had only three dates, so I gave these dates to that woman and her two daughters.
The woman gave one date to her each daughter and kept one date for herself. But when both of her daughters had finished their dates, they both looked up to their mother because she was wanting the date which she had for herself.
So, she felt sad for her daughters and split the date into two equal part, she gave a portion to her each daughter and then she went away. When the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) came back, Hazrat Ayesha informed him about what had happened.
He replied that ‘Anyone who has daughters and he look after them in a good manner, then his daughters will be as a barrier between him and the Jhanum’s Fire.”
So, in the result, everyone should take much care of his family, for this everyone in society have to take care for the upbringing of their families and their financial problems, then In Sha Allah, it will be good for the society as a whole World.
Everyone be able to work for his family and for himself for the benefit for his family and society. By spending money time and love upon our families and taking care of tarbiyah of our children and families, so that we shall train them and help them to remain on the right path as our Religion Islam teaches us.
“Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves.” [Qur’an Ra’d 13:11]
So it is upon us to change our own condition and the condition of our own families, and then to look to the condition of our communities and the community of the Muslims at large. For if we were to neglect this responsibility then we would never achieve the correct tarbiyah – training, upbringing and education – of our societies.
Indeed the Book of Allah (Qur’an) and the Sunnah of the Prophet encourage us to bring up our children correctly; ordering us with righteousness and good conduct ourselves as well as ordering us to prevent our families from falling into that which would result in their own destruction. As Allah says,
“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” [Qur’an Tahrim 66:6]
And He says,
“And enjoin Prayer on your family, and be patient in offering them (i.e. the Prayers).” [Qur’an Ta-Ha 20:132]
The Prophet said, “Order your children with Salah when they are seven years old, and beat them upon it (i.e. force them to do so by hitting them) when they are ten years old, and (also) separate them in their sleeping place.” So by the preceding Ayat and hadeeth, Allah and the Prophet teach the believers about the importance of Salah and worship, and also in the hadeeth the Prophet is teaching his Ummah about how to live this life free from all types of doubts and misconceptions, by avoiding those places and situations where such doubts and misconceptions may arise. So the order is that one should raise one’s children upon the most blessed and praiseworthy of characteristics.
So what follows are some practical steps in bringing up the family correctly.
Seeking Righteous Children
When an individual wants to get married, they should have the intention to have – and ask Allah to give them – righteous children. They should be patient upon this and seek their children with the correct intention i.e. to increase the number of the Prophet’s Ummah, and seek Allah’s reward in this life and the Hereafter by way of his children. As the Prophet said, “Marry those women who are loving and fertile, for verily I want to be amongst those (Prophets) who have the most followers on the Day of Judgement.”
So when a person gets married he should seek children with the intention to have many children which will go towards making up the Ummah of the Prophet and that these children may become righteous slaves of Allah so that he may benefit from them in this world and the Hereafter. This is because the intention has a special and important place with regard to the outcome, as the Prophet said, “Verily, every action is by its intention.” So if one has the correct intention at the beginning of the action, then he has its correct fruits at the end.
Setting A Good Example
The parent should be a good and the best example for their children. They should hasten to do all good and, likewise, hasten to leave all evil. This is because children follow the example of their parents as they love them and respect and admire them. So the parents are the greatest of all examples for their children. Therefore, whatever the parents are upon, the children follow them. It is not possible, however one may try, to hide one’s evil characteristics from their children.
A person may go into his home, closing the door behind them, but it is the children who know the reality of their affairs. They know how their character truly is, what they watch and what they see, and they know their situation perfectly. So we should try and be good examples to our children; having the best characteristics, being good towards the people, and remaining upright in our Deen.
Placing Importance Upon The Deen
The parent should make the most important affair in his life and that of his child the Religion. They should raise their child to know that the most important aspect of his life is that he be upright in his Deen, correcting it and clinging to it firmly. Allah said,
“And this (submission to Allah, Islam) was enjoined by Ibrahem upon his sons and by Ya’qoob (as), (saying), ‘O my sons! Allah has chosen for you the (true) Religion, then die not except in the Faith of Islam.” [Qur’an Baqarah 2:132]
And He says,
“And he made it (i.e. Laa ilaha illAllah – none has the right to be worshipped but Allah Alone) a Word lasting among his offspring (True Monotheism), that they may turn back (i.e. repent to Allah or receive admonition).” [Qur’an Zukhruf 43:28]
So this should be our greatest concern with regard to our children, that we make clear to them the importance of their Religion and their being upright. We should not be concerned with their Dunya i.e. that they bring home food or drink or wealth, rather we should be most concerned with their remaining upright Muslims. After this, the believer should make du’a to Allah and supplicate to Him that He guide his children and make them upright, for indeed there is no power nor strength except in Allah. No one has the ability to guide his children himself, or to keep them upon the straight path, rather this is in the Hands of Allah. So one should make du’a to Allah as His prophets did before. Allah says that the believers say,
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (i.e. pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much [abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden] and love Allah much [perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained]).” [Qur’an Furqan 25:74]
And also Prophet Ibrahem (as) mentioned in a long du’a,
“O my Lord! Make me one who offers prayers perfectly, and (also) from my offspring, our Lord! And accept my invocation.” [Qur’an Ibrahim 14:40]
So we should follow this example of the prophets in making du’a to Allah and taking the necessary steps in educating and bringing up our children upon this Deen, and asking Allah to keep them upright in their Religion. The Ayah which was previously mentioned is general for all of the believers. That is, that when one reaches the age of 40 he should make du’a for his parents and that Allah should keep him upon the Guidance, and he also makes du’a that Allah keeps his children upright and correct their affairs.
Showing Love & Kindness Towards One’s Children
The parent should control his affair with love, kindness and softness, and should not always use harshness and beating to bring up his children. Rather, he should make his way to be primarily a loving and concerned way. However, if the situation requires that he should also use harshness and hardness and even hitting his children, then he should do so as and when the situation requires it, but he should not make this his way i.e. that he is always hard and harsh towards his children.
We should not be like those people who are always hard upon their children as this may lead them towards further corruption and going astray. Neither should we be like many of the Europeans are i.e. that they leave their children without any discipline so that they follow whatever way they like and do whatever they like. Rather we should take the middle course (balanced), sometimes using harshness and sometimes softness, according to the situation. We should always try to exercise balance in raising our children, balancing their affairs correctly and making the uppermost characteristic that of kindness, softness and mercy.
Teaching Good Character
The parent should raise his children upon good character from a young age. He should teach them the Qur’an, the Seerah of the Prophet and that of the Companions also (ra). One should not leave his children to continue making mistakes saying that he will correct them when they get older, because indeed it becomes increasingly more difficult to correct a person when he has grown up upon incorrect actions and bad characteristics.
As a poet said, “Whoever grows up upon something, he grows old upon that same thing.” So we should teach our children from a young age the correct Aqeedah and belief, for example that Allah is above His Throne, and we should teach them love for the Prophet and his Companions (ra). We should also teach them aspects of good character, like being courageous, kind, generous and modest etc. Then if one of our children makes a mistake, we should point out this mistake to them and explain that the action is wrong, not leaving them and saying ‘they are just children’ or that we will tell them when they grow older.
This is because of the saying, “Whoever grows up upon something, he grows old upon that that same thing.” And from the guidance of the Prophet is that he used to train and bring up the children from a young age upon good manners and character. As can be seen in the hadeeth of Hasan , in which he narrates how he once took a date from the dates of Sadaqa, and the Prophet shouted at him and told him to take the date out of his mouth. The Prophet explained to him that the dates were for Sadaqa, and that Sadaqa was not allowed for the Prophet or his family.
So the Prophet did not leave Hasan alone, rather he reprimanded him for what he did and explained to him the correct way, using intelligence and Hikmah. Likewise in the hadith of the son of Umm Salamah, who narrated that he used to stay in the house of the Prophet , and that he used to eat in an incorrect way i.e. from everywhere in the plate. So the Prophet said to him, “O boy! Mention Allah’s Name i.e. say ‘Bismillah’, eat with your right hand and eat that which is in front of you. So this Sahabah went on to narrate that he continued to practise this etiquette of eating until that day (i.e. until he had become older). This shows that the Prophet would correct the children by pointing out their mistakes, and also he did so in such a way that they would continue upon the correct way which he had taught them until they became older.
Exercising Justice With Regard To One’s Children
The parent should not oppress or wrong any of his children. He should not show one of his children due favour more so than the other, by giving him more than his other children or praising him more than any of the others. Indeed this type of oppression and favouritism can be a reason for the children swaying from the correct path and developing personal problems later on in life.
The Prophet said, “Fear Allah and be just with regard to your children.” Indeed, being just can positively affect the children’s tarbiyah, just as being unjust can have negative affects upon their tarbiyah. Of these negative effects is that the child may feel that if he cannot find justice with his own parents, then who can he find justice with? And he may carry this problem and this feeling in his heart all of his life.
Spending Upon One’s Children
The parents, both the mother and the father, should spend upon their children. They should take the necessary steps to earn money and spend upon their children correctly. Indeed, anything, which one spends upon his family with the correct intention, will have a reward for it. As in the hadeeth of Sa’d ibn Ma’aadh , who narrated that the Prophet said, “There is nothing that you spend upon your families, even the food that you put into the mouth of your wife, except that you will get a reward for it.”
Also there is a hadeeth which is collected by Muslim, which states the importance of spending upon the family and that it is the best of all actions with which one draws nearer to Allah . In this hadeeth the Prophet said, “Two dinaars which you spend in the way of Allah, or two dinaars which you spend by way of sadaqah (charity), or two dinaars which you give to the miskeen (poor), or the two dinaars which you give to your family – with which of these is the greatest reward? Indeed the greatest of these as regards reward is that dinaar which you spend upon your family.”
So, in conclusion, everyone should take care of his family, for if it were the case that everyone in society were to take care of the upbringing of their families and their financial needs, then this would be good for the society as a whole. And if everyone were to leave the affairs of their families and their children, then this would lead to the corruption of the society and poverty would be widespread. By spending upon our families and taking care of their tarbiyah, this is how we train them and help them to remain upright upon this Deen of Al-Islam.